I’m Back, NOTW Article – 23rd August 2001
As you know I am now back from my 3 day break in Paris. It seems that nothing was reported during my 3 days away – due to lack of news not due to the people working on the site for me being mean :o) Here are some older news items that turned up in the e-mail since Sunday;
This is from the News Of The World, on Monday;
STEPS’ CLAIRE RICHARDS has to stand next to H for a living. So it takes a lot to embarrass this girl.
Nevertheless, viewers watched her turn pink, red and then a deep crimson as the full disaster of Stars And Their Doubles 2001 unfolded. According to host Des O’Connor, the show was: “Thirty of Britain’s best lookalikes competing for the accolade of Lookalike of the Year.”
But Des wasn’t taking any chances. He claimed CLAIRE had been roped into the nastiness because: “I’m not going to take all the blame myself.” And I don’t think he was joking.
A quick scan of the contestants revealed Tina Turner as if she’d just been duffed up by Ike, a bulimic-looking Geri Halliwell and, just like the words of her famous song, Diana Ross had indeed been turned “inside out”.
Also on show were: David Bowie: The cocaine years; that famous comedy duoStan Laurel and Oliver Reed and a salivating Hannibal Lecter, who was the absolute spit of Ronnie Biggs, some time between his second and third stroke.
Others were only slightly more promising. Catherine Zeta Jones was pregnant again. With triplets.
Posh Spice admitted: “I can’t sing or dance” a gimme but was let down by her lack of acne.
To fill the rest of the 90 minutes some of the better lookalikes Elton, Prince William, Madonna went out in London, “to see how the public would react”.
Depressingly, the public reacted like dribbling, star-struck sycophants, except one lone voice which piped up: “It’s a man dressed as Madonna.” Then there were the judges. Sitting mute and shameless on a set that looked like the toilet block on Blake’s 7’s Liberator were Survivor “genius” Nigel Lythgoe, Fiona Phillips and Claire bloody Sweeney.
On everything, from Do Us A Favour to Prince Philip’s 80th birthday celebrations, CLAIRE finally looks to have cut her ambitious throat with this one.
Cos when ITV do bad, they do it in style.
Yet, murderous as it was, Stars And Their Doubles contained unintentional moments of comedy brilliance.
Mika Hakkinen and Victor Meldrew doing the jitterbug to Simply The Best will live long in the memory.
And I also liked this exchange between Des and Best Sports Lookalike Prince Naseem.
Des: “I gather you live somewhere unusual?”
Naz: “Yeah, Runcorn.”
Des: “No, I meant the YMCA.”
But they were all topped when it was revealed that Best Film Star winner Jack Nicholson, from Port Talbot, “couldn’t be with us tonight, because he’s on holiday.” Holiday from what?
At the end of the mayhem, Del Boy wept tears of joy as he scooped the blue riband title Lookalike of the Year 2001 (yeah, like it’s gonna be back next year).
Great fun, but comfortably my new “worst programme of the year”.
Simple reason for the mess was ITV’s panic over huge BBC1 ratings (nine million) for Airport. Hence other recent Thursday offerings, which include three Touch Of Frost repeats from 1996, the dismal Soap Secrets and Britain’s Brainiest Kid.
Next week at the same time?
Britain’s Most Wanted Murderers.
And if CLAIRE RICHARDS isn’t among them for slugging Des O’Connor, I’ll want to know why.
(Ally Ross – The News Of The World)
Thanks to BuzzSteps for sending in that article!